Ending it

Sooo, some time ago, AdSense disapproved me because the content is too sexual..
Goodbye Blog, you could've been cool.

The Big Sex-Poll Pt. 1

The Big Sex-Poll Pt. 1

I've been running some polls around different forums for some time, and this is the result, do you fit the average?

This might be you..

How many girls have you had sex with?

5%: 0 - I'm a virgin

49%: 1-5

20%: 6-10

14%: 11-20

5%: 21-30

3%: 31-50

4%: More than 50. 

Don't you 5%'ers worry, you'll get there! 

Uhm, yeah.

How often do you spank the monkey?

7%: More than once a day

23%: Once a day

55%: A couple of times a week

11%: A couple of times a month

4%: Less than any of the above

Half of you limits your quality time with your right hand to a couple of times a week, while 7% of you basically lives in the monkey pen at the zoo. 4% must've lost both arms...

How should a girl shave, should she?

74%: Completely shaved

18%: A small strip of hair

Ohh yeah, I ooze of sex.

7%: As long as it isn't visible with panties on.

1%: Full bush, yes please!

What's the funniest place you've ever had sex?

Well, it isn't courage you're lacking.. Here's some of them.

"On the backseat of a car, while her parents were driving."

"In a giant dumpster."

"In a toy pram, ontop of the toyfactory roof."

"In my combine harvester, while harvesting"

What's the coolest thing a girl has said to you during sex?

"I understand why your ex keeps texting you.."
"Can my friend join?"

"What've you been taking?"
"Your cock was made by God and God must be gay."

What's the weirdest thing a girl has said to you during sex?

Spank me!

"Take me so hard that I'll break my pussy."

"Shit, my tampon is still up."

"You uncle is f'ing nice."

"Get your hands out of my face, they smell like cunt."

"Spank me and call me Gandalf."

"Let me knit you a meat-hat"

"I've gotta call my boyfriend, just keep going."

"Screw the condom, we'll kill the child."

Have you ever fantasized about any of these during sex?

62%: Your girlfriend's friend

No one can blame you.

46%: A porn actress

36%: A colleague

35%: Your friend's sister

27%: A TV presenter.

26%: A teacher/tutor at your school.

25%: Your girlfriend's sister.

12%: Your friend's mom.

9%: A family member.

6%: Your mother-in-law

Besides these, some of you fantasized about:
"Nuns. Nuns and lots of nuns."

"The one I'm currently banging, minus 10kg."

Luscious Latvian - Sabine Jemeljanova

Sabine Jemeljanova

She might have an extremely hard name to pronounce, but she is unreasonably easy to like..

Sabine is starring in the masterpiece called Strippers Vs. Werewolves and who wouldn't want to see that?

 Bonus info:

Age: 20

Residency: London

Height: 168cm

Bra-size: 70G

Bonus-info: Sabine was completely naked on the bigscreens in the background of Snow Patrol's latest tour.

It is really hard to find any information about Sabine Jemeljanova, but you now know, almost all I know about her. She's 20, born in Latvia and is currently dating some Norwegian guy that we all are extremely jealous of. Now that I've made all of this effort researching this fine female, I won't make it all too easy on you. So here's is a list of questions with answers that you have to guess. Just take the letters in front of the answer, and you'll get the name of her extremely lucky boyfriend... 

• Sabine moved to London to learn english when she was:
• BJ) 14 years old
• JO) 16 years old
• BRE) 18 years old

• She was in the masterpiece Strippers Vs. Werewolves, where she played:
• HN) A vampire
• DEH) A stripper
• ÖRN) A werewolf

• The 20 year old model was born in the Latvian city of
• DAEH) Rige
• ANGE) Liepaja
• CAR) Jelgava

• Her boyfriend plays for the soccer team
• LAND) Fulham
• EW) West Ham
• LIE) Blackburn

To check your answers, look for her boyfriend's name in the labels. It'll be the first thing there.

The Hero of One-Liners

Jimmy Carr

If there is one man, that manages to deliver a joke with a single sentence or two, it's the english comedian, Jimmy Carr. Here's some of his best.

"Is it fair to say, that there would be a lot less garbage in Great Britain if blind people got pointy sticks instead?"

"If a man falls asleep right after sex, why is it so hard to catch a rapist?"

"I'd like to go to The Body Shop and yell "I already got one!"" 

"If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?"

"There's a problem with obesity in England right now, but look on the bright side: The pensioncrisis is over"

"I don't have a problem buying tampons for my girlfriend, but apparently they aren't accepted as a 'real' gift."

"You have to give it to Hitler and Pol Pot, they both managed to do a lot of important medical research, completely without harming any animals."

"99% of all women kiss with their eyes closed. That's why it's so hard to identify rapists."

That's all from Jimmy Carr this round!

Bullit Time!

Bullit Time!

Brabus shows, with their Bullit Coupé 800, how the world's meanest Mercedes Benz C-class is supposed to be put together.

Brabus has thrown their newest supercar, the Bullit Coupé 800 on the street in Germany. The car is based on the Mercedes Benz C 63 AMG, but the 451 horsepower the original car puts out, wasn't nearly enough for the madness Brabus had in mind. That's why they increased the size of the engine room and threw the 'pathetic' V8 our of the window and replaced it with a mean V12 from the luxury sedan, S 600. After that they increased it from 5.5 liter to a 6.2 liter and of course they increased the air intake for the twin-turbo. All in all, they managed to squeeze out 800 horsepower from the engine that beforehand performed 517 horsepower. These modifications resulted in massive amounts of torque that Brabus electronically limited at 1100 Nm, just a tiny bit less that what you find in a Bugatti Veyron. 

How do they get a car like this, to stay on the road?

To get an almost 2 ton car driving 370km/h - Yeah, that's faster than a Lamborghini Aventador - and at the same time stay on the road, requires quite some extra equipment! That's why, the Bullit Coupé 800 has a front spoiler, a rear spoiler and a diffuser in carbonfiber, all of these help the aerodynamics of the car, making it stay on the road and handle better at these ridiculous speeds. Besides  the awesome carbonfiber equipment, the cars' black paint accompanied by red 800-logos and 20" special made aluminum rims, this car looks sweet as. 

The designers...

Clearly have a thing for black and red. The cabine is made up of black leather seats with red stitches, black alcantara surfaces with red stitches and a speedometer bathed in red light. Even though all of this red light makes the needle on the speedometer perfectly visible, it can be hard to keep track of it, when it flies from 0-300km/h in just 23,8 seconds, thanks to the mechanically improved seven-step automatic gearbox.The improvement to the gearbox was a necessity, because without it, the engine would rip it apart. 

The sale, oh the sale...

The sale is organized directly from Brabus' factory in Germany, and the price clearly matches the performance of that car. For just about $500000 this magnificent car can be yours. All you're missing now, is a couple of beatiful ladies and sunshine, then it'll take no time for you to recieve a call from Snoop Dogg saying he wants you in his next music video.

Crazy Survival Stories pt 3

Crazy Survival Stories pt 3

The world's (un)luckiest man:

Who: Frane Selak

When: 1962, 1963, 1966, 1970, 1995 and 1996

What happened: An accident rarely comes alone, Frane Selak is living proof of this, and several times in his life, he must have thought "Okay, but when the fuck will this shit stop coming?". Selak is a Croatian music teacher, and his life has been tested with a few near-death experiences, a few.. let's make it six.

  In 1962 Selak made a journey from Sarajevo to Dubrovnik, in train, except his train never made it that far. It derailed and crashed into a ice cold lake before it could reach its destination, 17 people drowned but our lucky Croatian managed to survive with nothing but a broken arm.

   One year later, in 1963, he embarked on his first and last trip on a plane. While the plane took off, a door came loose and Frane Selak fell out of the plane. Miraculously he landed in a haystack and didn't suffer any lasting injuries.

   In 1966 he tried his luck at transporting himself in a car, this proved to be a bad idea. A faulty gas hose made burning gasoline get sucked into the driver's cabin via the air canals. Selak lost most of his hair, but survived, again with no lasting injuries.

   Four years later Frane Selak was sitting in another car, which suddenly burst into flames, he made it out of the car only seconds before it exploded. Frane probably thought this would be his last accident, since it took so long for the next to come..

   25 years later he got run over by a bus while crossing the street, he survived again. The year after he drove off the highway but managed to jump out of the car only seconds before the car fell down a 90 meter cliff.

   If God exists, he has a mean sense of humor, or a just one, you'll have to figure that one out for yourself.. Either way, in 2003 Frane bought is first lottery ticket, at the age of 73, he won around 1 million dollars on that lottery ticket.

 The numbers of death:

Just some numbers about how long the average human can expect to survive during certain conditions.

• ·         3 days, is how long you can survive without water.

• ·         1 hour, is how long you can survive in 0-4 degree water.

• ·         15 minutes, is the time you'll be able to survive, buried in an avalanche.

• ·         26 humans, is the amount of people the blue-ringed octopus is able to kill with the amount of venom delivered in one bite. It is one of the most venomous creatures on the planet.

• ·         31,8 years of age, is the average age at which you die in Swaziland, Afrika, this is lower than anywhere else in the world.

• ·         90 percent, is the chance you have to survive getting struck by lightning, shocking?

Three Mad TV-Shows

Three Mad TV-Shows

The Robinson Expedition? Extreme? No. Weird? No. Neither is any of the usual shows you've got on your mind when you think mad TV-shows. Here are three shows that you've probably never heard of, with good reason.

Ball Busters

Five contestants stands side by side on a stage, their front towards the audience. They've all got a little device attached to their special man parts between their legs. The host then reads a sentence like "How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood", the contestants now have to repeat the sentence, if he succeeds, nothing happens, if he fails… Pain ensues, the device is released, smashing a stick right into his man parts. All of this leaves me with one question, why?

Here's a link to a round of this game, I think it illustrates my question pretty well, why?: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IzrEkiPEaOk

Za Gaman

This show is actually from the 1980's. Directly translated, the title means "endurance", and that's exactly what the contestants need if they want to win this competition. Amongst some of the challenges in this show is one, where the contestants are placed at the water's edge on a beach, with hooks fully opening their nostrils, so that when the waves come in, they'd have their noses filled with delicious saltwater. When they got a break from the oncoming waves, they would have their faces covered with pepper, just for the fun of it.

   This show was featured in the Guiness Book of World Records as the most extreme TV-show ever made. Here's a link to one episodes, with an English-speaking commentator: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WEOz7gaFfmU

Shower Girl Game

This TV-show is extremely simple.. A naked girl stands in a shower on the top of a very slippery and very steep hill, the view to her naked body is blocked only by six plates numbered 1-6. The contestants consists of 10 randy guys, all they have to do, is run up the hill and throw tennis balls at the plates, removing whatever plate they hit, giving them a glimpse at the naked girl. Intelligent? No. Entertaining? Oh yes!

Here's a link to one episodes of the show: http://www.kontraband.com/videos/21818/Japanese-Shower-Gameshow/ Even though it's censored, I'd still call it NSFW.

Saying cheers in 22 languages

Being able to say cheers in different languages will clearly impress your simple-minded friends! Here's a list for you to use the next time you're going out to a party and want to impress either the ladies or your bros.

Thai	Chai-yoh	Brazilian	Tim-tim
Albanian	Gezuar	Greek	Yamas
Finnish	Kippis	Polish	Na zdrowie
Rumanian	Noroc	Zulu	Impilontle
Indonesian	Pro	Swahili	Maisha marefu
German	Prost	Greenlandic	Kasuutta
Argentinean	Salud	Irisih	Sláinte
French	Santé	Hebrew	L'chaim
South Korean	Konbe	Turkish	Serefe
Japanese	Kanpai	Pakistani	Sanda bashi
Danish	Skål	English	Cheers